I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
