I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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