very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize