this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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