I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize