have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You're a waste of cheezeits
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
