Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
be right there i have to get my cape
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
