WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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