I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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