At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm at about main and main street
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
