What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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