turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
