She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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