So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
