You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
