did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
