I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
