He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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