That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
