Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
