Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
