I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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