I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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