i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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