today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
