Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
