Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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