Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
