He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
