how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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