I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
