I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
