I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
