SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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