I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
