The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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