I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
