he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
