I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
