So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize