I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Randomize
