she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize