She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
