I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sorry about my life...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
