All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
