when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize