he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
