hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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