I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize