the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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