Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
