she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
