it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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