The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
