When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
