Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
