if i can run in heels then i can drive
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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