I think i peed on brittanys purse
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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