i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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