I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
