That's intense
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
