no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
