Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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