the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Bring me that man meat
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
