you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think your dad took our porno
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
