he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize