she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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