Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
