i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
