i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
