I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
