just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So much Jack, so little girl.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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