i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
