dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hippo gnu deer
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
