My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
