i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
