i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
