it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize