Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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