Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
