my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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