Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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