I faked an abortion last night.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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