I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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