I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize