when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dick very happy bro
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
