At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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