Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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